Matsuda Shota

(no subject)

it's funny.
or maybe it's sad, I'm not sure.

I've fallen out of touch with almost everyone from New York. When I'm back to my old home, I only see a handful of people. I see Cat and Jessie, and if I'm lucky, I see Brie. But everyone else...we just don't talk anymore. I guess thats life and growing apart and all, bu it sucks. No, I don't count spot, since in reality, I would say she doesn't REALLY live in New York anymore. When you spend 2/3 of the year in a state, thats where you live.

I keep in touch with my friends scattered around the country...In Savannah, LA, Boson, Texas, and the ones that moved to Atlanta. I've kept in touch with the people I knew for a year. Yet, when it comes to keeping touch with some of the people I knew for years...some of them even 8 years, I fail miserably. Maybe we just have nothing in common anymore. I'm a silly animator lost in my head and DVD's of colorful characters bounding around endlessly in their blissful, wacky little words, and most of my friends are down to earth brainiacs teaching the adults of tomorrow and curing diseases. I've never been known for my brilliance in math or science or even literature or history. And if you asked me my view on politics, I could reply with a simple answer not weighed down with heavy vocabulary or political terms. But thats who I am, and I just watch all my friends make leaps and bounds, while I scribble on my paper and smile to myself as the whole thing comes alive in my head.

Hell, I don't even fit in with the art community. Most artists are pretentious fucks who sit around and drink tea and challenge one another on who knows more about which obscure subject. I'd rather sit around and talk about which cartoon is better, fosters or chowder which, by the way is a trick question because they are both equally great. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a stimulating round of which politician is more corrupt and why, but I'm a much simpler person than that. Why? I just am. Just like how I will pick the new Disney movie over the groundbreaking war story with knights, faeries, and spaceships, and I'll pick the most recent phoenix wright game over the new call of duty game.

I'm not a deep thinker, I'm not a serious person, and to be honest, I'm oblivious to the world around me half the time because I'm lost in my own. A quaint little world of talking animals, princesses, and fart clouds named kimchi.

But, I'm okay with that because it makes me happy. And the more I sat in Montgomery working away, the more people I met that were the same way. And the ones that weren't...well...they didn't last long. And the best part is when you would talk to one of these other people surrounded by their own world, and your world and their world would meet, and their characters were added to your world, and yours were added to theirs. They can have their science and rocks, and screaming children, so long as I can keep meeting people like me and adding to my little sanctuary.

So, I've grown apart from so many of my friends, because my right brain has just engulfed me, and their left brains have engulfed them. i just...don't get their world I guess. Just like how I can only see the dancing girl spinning clockwise no matter how hard I try and make her spin counter. Thats just me. And it wasn't until I went to college that I actually became comfortable with that and let it consume me as opposed to fighting it off all 4 years of high school because the norm expects you to be good at math and science and literature, and not care about art, because art is silly and gets you nowhere.

Being able to finally accept myself feels good.
But I wonder if that is worth the price of friendship.
amen to that. But you're right, going to college far away will most definitely do that. That's life I guess.
Yeah, sometimes it just sucks, and kinda hurts when I realize that all these people I knew are doing all these amazing things, and I haven't seen them in years to be able to talk about it. Then I realize that if I DID see them...what would we talk about? I don't know the density of plutonium, so thats out, and they don't know how many frames per second an animation is, so thats out.

Are you gonna be up in NY for the summer at all? I plan to go back up for 7-10 days, and Whitney will be coming up for her first visit in NY. If you are, we should try to hang out, have our plans fail, and then randomly run into each other in the palisades mall...which happens all to often.
iunderstand how ya feel. i dont keep in touch with many people at all from ny, mainly you, jj and alison occasionally. i dont even keep in touch with the friends i made in high school down here. and alot of times thats ok. people grow apart and things change, but you still can cherish the memories and moments shared. people used to rag on me for not keeping in touch, but alot of times they dont make the effort either. just be happy with who you are, love the people that are around you and realize that even though you might not talk to old friends as often, we still love you!

i miss you! you have to come to texas sometime, or maybe i can come there. sadly im poor but we can work something out ^_^
I'm poor too, but one day, I will come out!
And you should come out sometime too, so you can see my 2 littl baby demons, Nero and Nixi.

I think part of the problem is I check my LJ weekly-daily depending on how bored I am at work, and so I see all my friends from HS doing all this stuff, and meanwhile I had no idea. In reality, I know it's okay because thats just a part of life. I think what it really is, is that they all still live up in NY, and I'm the one that left. I kinda feel like I don't belong, and it's cause I chose to leave. I dunno...I guess theres a bunch of reasons. I've just never been fond of change, even if I adapt to it well.

Part of me still wishes it was freshman year of high school, before there were ever boy complications and we were sitting in Mr. Mo's class, talking about Sailor Moon and Akira, and planning our next anime-thon of trigun at your house with cookies, and drawing pictures.

By the way...here's a blast from the past...i bought Birdy the Mighty on VHS off of ebay a few weeks ago. Not as good as watching it in your basement, but still just as funny. i don't think Joe quite got it though lol
<3

IM me the next time you're in NY. We may not talk much, but hanging out with you is -always- fun.